The scene: Lisa, Old School, me and a group of friends at the Cincinnati Western & Southern Financial Group Masters 2009 enjoying world-class tennis on a splendid August evening.
The match: Rafa Nadal (Spanish tennis player guy) vs. a tall guy (I can’t remember his name and I’m too lazy to search for it. Trust me. He was tall.)
The conversation topic: Rafa Nadal’s incessant need to, ahem, adjust his undergarment before every point.
Really, every point. And for those of you who are unfamiliar with tennis, there are lots and lots and lots of points.
I’m peering through binoculars, “Rafa needs to quit adjusting his undies. Do they not fit? One would think a guy with that much moola could procure properly fitting tighty whities.”
With discretion her priority, Lisa speaks in hushed tones when mentioning anything remotely unflattering. “He does that all the time. Every time he serves the ball. Icky.”
Knowing a closer look will really gross her out, I offer her the binoculars for closer inspection of Rafa’s goods. “I heard his hand is always in his derriere.”
Lisa giggles under her breath. Her manners are far more sophisticated than mine. “Why does he do that?”
“It’s a tick. He’s developed a tick. You know, one of those mindless habits. He stands and thinks, ‘Stand at service line, bounce ball, touch myself.’ He doesn’t even know he’s doing it. And that’s tough to believe since the rest of the universe knows. We were talking about it at the office probably because his is a butt most worthy of discussion.”
Lisa recoils from the binoculars from viewing yet another derriere touching sight. “Still icky.”
“It’s ‘Hand in Butt’ disease.”
“It’s gross and makes me giggle.”
“It’s ‘My Undies are to Tighty’ disease” I smirk.
Lisa leans over and whispers, “Maybe he’s secretly wearing a thong beneath his undies and it rides up when he runs around.” Lisa’s conduct is always above reproach while mine drags on the ground.
After the point and yet another predictable butt picking sighting, our friend Kathy chimes in, “It’s Tourettes of the butt. That’s it, Tourette’s Syndrom of the Butt.”
Dang. I wish I’d said that. A tip of my hat to Kathy.
FUNNY! Great stuff.
Was a fun evening! He really does have a great set of buns, maybe we should tape his hands to his racquet and if he goes for the “pluck” it will look as if he is spanking himself! I think that would be at least alittle more aceptable.
TOTALLY! I saw Nadal play last year, same thing. Amazing. You’d think he’d see an underwear consultant, doctor or therapist for that!